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[personal profile] redmisoplz
A few weeks ago, a Japanese friend of mine who otherwise dislikes all things "Johnny's Jimusho" sent me a flailing facebook message saying, "You need to see Matsuoka-kun on Shabekuri007!" She was absolutely right. If you'd like to view the segment, you can find the file over here at Tudou or I have uploaded the flv rip I took on Megaupload. It's probably best to watch and scroll along with the text at the same time. Just sayin'.

Beginning at minute 3:08
Ueda: Tonight is our two hour special full of reportedly fabulous guests.
Ueda: I wonder if truly fabulous guests will appear for us.
Ueda: Whoever could our first wonderful guest be?
Ueda: Tonight’s guest is this person!
Fukuda: A splendid guest?
Ueda: Tonight’s guest is TOKIO’s Matsuoka Masahiro!
Mabo: What’s with that reaction?
Ueda: We were genuinely surprised!
Ueda: A truly wonderful person came out!
Ueda: When we were told a fabulous guest will be on the show, we didn’t have much faith.
Nagura: We were shocked!
Mabo: You were?
Nagura: Even your clothes! You skipped past spring and went to summer!
Ueda: His clothes are extreme, and even the way he walks makes him look like a thug!
Ueda: Well, among all the Johnny’s, you have that “older brother” image.
Nagura: That’s true, isn’t it?
Ueda: Right?
Mabo: When I asked my sempai, they said, “You were a bad boy.”
Mabo: My sempai told me that.
Ueda: Really?
Mabo: Yes.
Ueda: When you look back on it, do you think, “I was a bad kid?”
Mabo: Well uh, umm, err…
Ueda: It’s true!
Mabo: That would be correct!
All: Very true.
Ueda: Were you angry, Matsuoka-kun?
Mabo: I was angry then.
Mabo: My hair was much taller then*.
*Pun alert! ‘Tongaru’ means “to be cross” or “to come to a point.”
Ken: He was sharp!
Arita: For us during our youth, we thought Johnny’s Jimusho was like, “Yes! Good evening!”
Ueda: That’s true.
Mabo: Right.
Arita: “We’re going to do our best today!”
Ueda: Right.
Arita: “So yeah, we, uh…”
Arita: But you didn’t do this head motion, did you?
Mabo: No, we didn’t!
Mabo: We were like that at first too.
Arita: So you did do that at first?
Mabo: We did. “Hello! We’re TOKIO!”
Ueda: You did?!
Fuku: No way!
Mabo: We did it like that at first, but even we have our limits.
Ueda: It was unnatural?
Mabo: It was!
Arita: It’s like you’re lying.
Mabo: We weren’t really lying, and we thought, “This is definitely important for getting ahead in the world,” but this doesn’t really fit us.
Mabo: And we knew it, and everyone around us knew it.
Ueda: I see.
Ueda: Is it really okay for you to come here?
Ueda: We’re very happy to have you here, but…
Mabo: It’s totally okay, isn’t it?
Ueda: Well if Matsuoka-kun thinks it’s okay, then it’s okay!
Narrator: Johnny’s secret leader of hoodlums, TOKIO’s Matsuoka Masahiro, will give us the behind the scenes info from the agency!
Ueda: The scariest member of Johnny’s Jimusho is…!
All: EHH?!
Mabo: If this person were my sempai, I’d definitely be...
Narrator: Harsh Johnny’s!
Ueda: Is that so?!
Ueda: First on tonight's star-studded guest special is TOKIO's Matsuoka Masahiro!
Mabo: Good evening!
Ueda: Everyone, you know about Matsuoka-kun, but
Nagura: Of course we do!
Ueda: We do have his profile here, so
Mabo: Thank you
Arita: Oh really?
Ueda: let's have a look anyway.
Ueda: Huh? Is it alright if we don't?
Arita: We already know about him!
Ueda: Well then, go ahead and tell us about Matsuoka-kun!
Arita: We know he's Matsuoka Masahiro.
Mabo: Wow, you know my full name!
Arita: Of course!
Arita: But that's about it...
Ueda: HEY!
Ueda: You don't know a thing about him!
Arita: Isn't that enough?!
Ueda: What about his age, for example?
Tokui: Age, huh... thirty... seven or so?
Mabo: Ahh...
Ueda: Thirty-seven...
Mabo: I'm thirty-four years old.
Tokui: Eh?! Seriously?
Mabo: Yes.
Ueda: You're treating an idol like an old man!
Ueda: That's rude!
Tokui: No no, I got him confused with Leader!
Mabo: Leader will be forty-one, Yamaguchi will be forty this year.
Mabo: Taichi is two years older than me, so he'll be 37.
Mabo: I'll turn 35 this year, and since Nagase is two years younger than me, he'll be 33.
Ueda: Do you ever feel a generation gap? For example, between Leader.
Mabo: There was at first.
Ueda: There would be.
Ueda: So when you first met Leader, how old were you, Matsuoka-kun?
Mabo: It was 22 years ago, so I was 12.
Ueda: So Leader was about 20 years old?
Mabo: That guy* was 18.
*Note: Mabo uses a very casual and familiar pronoun for "he."
Fukuda: He's older than you!
Ueda: So he was a senior in high school and you were a sixth-grader in elementary school?
mabo: The amazing thing was I already knew about this Joshima Shigeru person.
Mabo: I saw him on TV in dramas.
Ueda: I see, I see.
Mabo: About two years before I entered the agency.
Mabo: So he came in with his guitar slung over his shoulder and said, "G'morning."
Mabo: I kinda lost my head and thought, "This guy's so cool!"
All: You weren't crazy!
Ueda: He was cool!
Mabo: He, too, wanted to take on being a sempai.
Mabo: He got excited when I'd keeping saying, "You're cool."
Mabo: He started stepping out in front
Mabo: And when the crowd yelled "Yeah!" he'd swing his guitar!
Ueda: So at what point did you start referring to such a cool person as "that guy?"
All: Something happened, right?
Mabo: He couldn't dance.
Ueda: Leader Joshima couldn't?
Mabo: We had to dance.
Mabo: In the past, TOKIO was a dance group.
Mabo: At that time, the troubling thought crossed my mind, "Hmm... is this guy gonna be okay?"
Mabo: "Something's different."
Mabo: And so when we tried to teach him the dance steps, it was like this (the younger ones teaching the older)...
Ueda: I get it!
Nagura: The kids are quick!
Ueda: Matsuoka is thirty-four years old…
All: Yes!
Ueda: And this spring's NHK drama, "High School Restaurant," will be his seventh Saturday evening drama!
Nagura: Wow!
Ueda: Could you refrain from putting these cleverly disguised announcements in your profile?
Mabo: I'm really very sorry.
Mabo: I truly am, but I'd like to properly give this announcement.
Ueda: What kind of drama is it?
Mabo: It's set in Mie Prefecture, and is based on a real restaurant being run by high school students.
Tokui: Oh, I know that one!
Mabo: Yes, that's the one.
Mabo: A man who's running a restaurant in Ginza is suddenly called to help with this restaurant.
Mabo: I play the part of the professional chef
Mabo: and with the student's troubles and the chef's troubles, we mature together.
Ueda: I understand. Certainly when we talk about Saturday evening dramas, we imagine Matsuoka.
Mabo: I've been blessed to be in many.
Mabo: On my twentieth birthday, my first drama aired.
Mabo: I played a boy with supernatural ability.
Mabo: Psychometer Eiji*
*Note: a manga about a boy with extra-sensory perception
Harada: That was awesome!
Mabo: That was fourteen years ago.
Tokui: Was it really that long ago?
Mabo: Yeah...
Ueda: He's become quite the mature adult, right!
Ueda: The once wild Matsuoka-kun...
Mabo: Thank you.
Mabo: What's with this warm applause from the audience?!
Ueda: They're like, "He's been rehabilitated!"
Ueda: It seems we have a lot of information today.
Ueda: The staff previously collected information surrounding Matsuoka-kun.
Ueda: Various stories of legendary masculinity came out.
Nagura: Seems like they would!
Ueda: We asked Arashi's Ohno-kun.
Ueda: This is the example from Ohno-kun.
Ueda: I was at a restaurant I know and wanted to drink with Matsuoka-kun, so I called him up.
Ueda: Even though it seemed like he was sleeping, he came out anyway!
Ueda: Matsuoka-kun left before me, but when I went to pay the bill,
Ueda: The staff said, "It's already been taken care of," so Matsuoka-kun paid for me ahead of time.
Ueda: Whenever we drink together, he always secretly takes care of the bill.
Ueda: Thank you very much!
Nagura: That's smooth!
Ueda: Usually you wouldn't answer the phone when you're sleeping.
Nagura: And you wouldn't think "I'll go" in the middle of the night!
Mabo: If it's a kouhai, you have to go.
Arita: Comedians aren't to be treated lightly either.
Arita: If I call Ken-chan and he says he's sleeping and I say "Let's go to the cabaret club now," he'll definitely go!
Ken: That's not true!
Mabo: Cabaret club, huh!
Ueda: Is Ohno-kun someone you drink with often?
Mabo: Yeah, Ohno-kun and I go a lot.
Ueda: Are there other Johnny's members you often drink with? For example?
Mabo: Matchy-san and Higashi-san.
Ueda: Ah, I see!
Mabo: We go often.
Ueda: Are there times when a lot of Johnny's members get together and have fun?
Ueda: For example, at a new year party or an end of the year party
Mabo: There are...
Mabo: Only at the end of the year we all go see a stageplay.
Mabo: It was an afternoon show.
Mabo: Since it was in the afternoon, it ended early (in the evening) so we said, "Let's go eat."
Mabo: We would have disbanded at 5 or 6pm...
Ueda: Right, right.
Mabo: But isn't that a little early?
Mabo: When you eat, you drink too, right?
Mabo: So when you stop eating and drinking at that time, it's like...
Ueda: Like "We've only just started!"
Mabo: Former Hikaru Genji member, Sato Atsuhiro-sempai, and I were standing there and said, "If we called everyone in Johnny's Jimusho, how many do you think would come?"
Mabo: So the two of us called a lot of people
Mabo: and in the end, Matchy-san came.
Mabo: Higashiyama-san came.
Mabo: Atsuhiro-sempai was already there, then Yamaguchi, Joshima, and I.
Ueda: They all came out?
Mabo: From V6 we got Nagano, Sakamoto, and Inohara.
Mabo: Then Domoto Koichi, and um... Takizawa, Aiba.
Mabo: We got a lot to come out.
Harada: Amazing!
All: Wow!
Arita: Yeah but, if I may, three years ago at our end of the year party,
Arita: we had Samaazu, Yamazaki, and Yahagi join us.
Arita: And we thought, "This is kind of sad. It's an end of the year party, so let's get more people!"
Arita: So using our respective networks, we called everybody to come out.
Arita: But after all that, only Kuro-chan showed up.
Mabo: Kuro-san, huh?
Ueda: Hey you... could you not talk after Matsuoka-kun?
Ueda: All of your stories are lame!
Arita: But comedians aren't going to lose either!
Ueda: Yes we are!
Ueda: It's a complete loss!
Ueda: What do you do on your days off?
Ueda: Is there something you're into?
Mabo: As of late, I go golfing.
Ueda: It looks like you do body sculpting exercise.
Mabo: I don't at all.
Arita: No way!
Arita: But your arms are really in shape!
Mabo: It's because we're in the middle of our concerts.
Mabo: We're on tour right now.
Nagura: That's from drumming?
Mabo: Yes.
Ueda: Is there something you definitely do?
Mabo: Ah, on the other hand, I suffer from edema*, so before appearing on TV,
*Note: a condition where the body swells due to retained fluids
Mabo: I always go to the sauna for two or two and a half hours.
Arita: Oh! The sauna! The comedians won't lose this one!
Tokui: You won't lose this!
Ueda: You’re not going to be defeated?
Harada: I, too, go to the sauna after I'm finished with work.
Mabo: You do? It's nice, isn't it!
Mabo: I go in the mornings before (shooting) my drama, and I went before this show too.
Harada: That's right!
Harada: The whole time we were in Kyoto, you were going to the sauna, weren't you?
Mabo: Yeah!
Harada: When we were filming in Kyoto's Uzumasa for several days,
Harada: I said to the Uzumasa staff, "I really like saunas..."
Harada: So the staff said, "Oh, you should ask Matsuoka-kun then!"
Harada: “Matsuoka-kun knows all the saunas in this area.”
Mabo: I do, I know them all.
Mabo: I know all their hours of business.
Ueda: You love saunas that much?
Mabo: Incidentally, I know all of them in the places we go for concerts.
Ueda: Do you find that information out first?
Mabo: I do.
Harada: What do you like about the sauna?
Mabo: If you don’t go, you won’t know
Harada: I go for the cold water bath.
Mabo: Ah, I get it. It feels good, doesn't it?
Arita: Why are you acting all cool?!
Mabo: It feels good, right?
Harada: Because (the bath) feels nice!
Arita: You're going to look at everyone's private parts!
Arita: Am I right?
Harada: Let's knock it off this month with those kind of stories*
*Note: His hand gesture signifies homosexuality.
Mabo: “This month…”
Arita: The towel he's using gradually floats up
Harada: Cut it out, you!
Arita: But we're not losing this one!
Mabo: When I watch you, I think the talk really goes in that direction, doesn’t it?
Mabo: “Ah, there he goes again?”
Nagura: I think it’s best if we leave their dialogue alone.
Ueda: But can you really get that much muscle from drumming?
All: Normally it wouldn’t be that much, right?
Mabo: You can! It’s possible from drumming!
Ueda: So you must be good at arm wrestling?
Mabo: I’m not at all.
Ueda: Taizo, you try it.
Ueda: Have a sauna match.
Harada: For what?
Ueda: Arm wrestling.
Ueda: A sauna match.
Ken: The winner gets all the saunas in Shibuya.
Mabo: Ah, I do go to Shibuya.
Harada: I go to Shibuya too.
Mabo: The one on the fourth floor?
Harada: Right! Right!
Harada: You go there too?
Mabo: I did when I was in senior high school.
Harada: High school?!
Ueda: That looks bad!
Ueda: You’re now going to the sauna Matsuoka-kun went to when he was in high school!
Ueda: So anyway, Matsuoka-kun, if you please…
Mabo: Yes!
Someone: The sauna battle!
Ueda: Taizo is the strongest among us!
Mabo: Is that so?
Harada: Yeah.
Mabo: Arm wrestling, huh, will this be okay?… it’s been a while.
Harada: I’m not going to hold back!
Ueda: Of course you should!
Ueda: The loser can’t go to that area’s saunas anymore, right?
All: He’s forbidden!
All: The loser is forbidden!
Harada: Let’s think about it for a minute – Matsuoka-kun doesn’t even go there anymore…
Nagura: You can’t go.
Ueda: You can’t go there.
Nagura: You just can’t.
Harada: I’m pretty strong!
Mabo: Ah, I see! I’ll do my best!
Harada: Please do.
Narrator: Coming up, Johnny’s secret leader of hoodlums gives orders to Taizo not to go to the sauna!
Narrator: Also, he fills us in on the secrets of the agency!
Ueda: The Johnny’s who have the worst drinking habits are…
Mabo: XXXX drinks 3 oolong tea cocktails and gets short tempered.
Harada: I’m pretty strong!
Mabo: Ah, I see! I’ll do my best!
Harada: Please do.
Mabo: Are you right handed?
Harada: I am.
Ueda: Ok, take your positions.
Ken: He’s gotta be strong!
Ueda: Are you ready?
Ueda: Ok?
Ueda: Ready… go!
Ueda: Ah, these two are….oh!
Ueda: Simple as that!
Ueda: You lost to Matsuoka!
Ueda: Taizo! Taizo! You’re forbidden in the saunas.
Harada: Wait just a minute!
Harada: He’s incredibly strong!
Arita: So far on Shabekuri, Taizo has won against all the people who thought they were strong.
Mabo: Really?
Mabo: By the way, I’m left handed.
All: EHH?!
Mabo: I’m actually left handed.
Mabo: Shall we go once more and put the Shinjuku saunas on the line?
Ueda: The Shinjuku saunas!
Mabo: Finland! Finland!
Harada: Let’s battle for Finland!
Ueda: Using the left hand?
Mabo: Yes!
Nagura: Just quit at this point.
Harada: I…. have a son to think about!!
Ueda: Taizo, give it all you got!
Ueda: Let’s do a simulation!
Ueda: That’s the stuff!
Ueda: Let’s make it look good!
Harada: Alright!
Ueda: Ready… go!
Harada: Higashimurayama!
*Note: A sauna perhaps or an area with saunas? Idk.
Ueda: Go, Taizo! Go!
Ueda: Taizo, go!
Ueda: Taizo, go!
Harada: He’s so strong!
Harada: He’s REALLY strong!
Ueda: Taizo, you are now forbidden from the Shinjuku saunas.
All: There’s no hope.
Ueda: It’s all pointless.
Ueda: There’s probably a difference in your levels.
Harada: The cool thing about Matsuoka-kun is
Harada: he waits until I put all my force into it
Harada: then when I get tired, he goes “whomp.”
Harada: Completely shreds my pride!
Ueda: Should we move on to today’s main segment?
Mabo: Yes, please!
Ueda: It says here you’re the “Johnny’s wakagashira*.”
*Note: leader of a crime syndicate’s henchmen
Ueda: Do they really say that about you?
Mabo: Wakagashira?
Mabo: Well then, let’s go with that!
Ueda: Johnny’s wakagashira, Matsuoka Masahiro, will lift the secret veil shrouding the secret sides of Johnny’s members!
All: We wanna see that!
Mabo: I’ll tell all!
Ueda: Johnny’s wakagashira, Matsuoka Masahiro’s Johnny’s 007!
Tokui: I wanna hear this!
Harada: Should be interesting…
Ueda: We have written here “Johnny’s Number One something is….”
Ueda: Matsuoka-kun will tell us all about it.
Ueda: And if things look like it could be bad for the agency, we’ll put in beeps and do summaries of the good parts.
Mabo: Anything goes!
Ueda: That’s right!
Mabo: It can’t be helped if you’ve brought me out here!
Mabo: If you ask, I’m gonna tell!
Ueda: Johnny’s number one masculine member is…
Ueda: Let’s try to guess first?
Ueda: Your own idea…
Nagura: We have no idea!
Mabo: I think it will surprise you.
Ueda: Fukuda, who do you think it is?
Fukuda: Arashi’s Ohno-kun.
Ueda: Ah, that’s unexpected.
Ueda: Tokui, how about you?
Tokui: He looks supple, but in reality… Domoto Koichi-san.
Ueda: Ahh, I see. I see.
Ueda: Let’s look at the answer. Johnny’s number one masculine member is…
Ueda: AH! Yamapi!
Ueda: That certainly is unexpected!
Mabo: If it’s masculinity, I think “This guy’s tough!,” that Yamashita Tomohisa.
Ueda: What aspect of him?
Mabo: Well, we often go drinking, and even when he’s just listening, his gaze while thinking is that of a man’s.
Mabo: Like “Men have to be like this!” and so on.
Mabo: His way of thinking about things is so solid it makes me think, “You’re a great person!”
Mabo: I once saw him and Ikuta Toma drinking together at a place I sometimes go, and I thought, “I’ll join them,” but when I heard what they were talking about – probably something about work – the two of them were really intense and saying, “You can’t do that, it’s like this” and “Yeah, that’s true” and stuff.
Mabo: I listened to their serious conversation and thought, “These two are real men!”
Mabo: “This is nice!”
Ueda: It looked like he really gave his all in “Ashita no Joe.”
Nagura: He was really stoic.
Ueda: It was hard on his body.
Mabo: He didn’t slack off at all.
Ueda: He really practiced boxing!
Nagura: That’s for certain.
Mabo: Yamashita’s way of doing it was like an athlete.
Ueda: So the most masculine one is Yamapi.
Ken: It’s Yamashita!
Someone: Wow…
Ueda: Shall we go to this one? The scariest one is…
Ueda: Let’s think about this one too.
Harada: Someone who left a scary impression in the minds of the kouhai?
Ueda: Is that part of it?
Mabo: Yeah, that’s the way I was going with it.
Narrator: Up next, we reveal the name of the scariest member in Johnny’s!
Mabo: If they were my sempai, I would absolutely be (reprimanded)!
[More narration about the guests yet to come.]
Ueda: Shall we go to this one? The scariest one is…
Ueda: Let’s think about this one too.
Harada: Someone who left a scary impression in the minds of the kouhai?
Ueda: Is that part of it?
Mabo: Yeah, that’s the way I was going with it.
Nagura: Kouhai, huh?
Ueda: Nagura, who do you think it is?
Nagura: Kamenashi-kun.
Ueda: Ah, Kamenashi-kun.
Ueda: So the scariest member of Johnny’s is…!
Ueda: Tackey?!
Ueda: Tackey??
Mabo: When I asked several kouhai, no matter who it was, Takizawa’s name came up.
Mabo: He was probably boss of the juniors at that time.
Ueda: Ahh, I see.
Mabo: It wasn’t power, it was education – he was doing stage plays and was the leader – and he’s professional in how he teaches the kouhai different things.
Mabo: Domoto Koichi’s the same.
Mabo: In my mind, Domoto Koichi and Takizawa are kouhai that I’m glad are my kouhai.
Ueda: Ahh, like if they were your sempai…
Mabo: If they were my sempai, I would absolutely be (reprimanded)!
Ueda: You’d get lectured?
Ueda: By the way, who is the person you anger the most?
Mabo: The one who got mad at me the most was definitely Higashiyama-sempai.
Ueda: Ah, you were taught by Higashiyama-san?
Mabo: I certainly was.
Ueda: What sorts of things did he teach you?
Mabo: He said, “Your way of doing things may not be wrong, but your way of thinking that you’ll win by power alone is wrong.”
Ueda: That’s so cool!
Mabo: “You can’t grow up in this world thinking you’re strong in all your battles.”
Ueda: I see, I see. But average people probably aren’t seeing the Johnny’s in that way.
Ueda: Like the power differentials…
Mabo: Ah, that’s true.
Arita: Because they address each other with ‘-kun,’ it’s like, “Maybe they’re all casual?”
Ueda: But it seems the Johnny’s are doing things properly!
Mabo: I think certain things are probably strict.
Harada: Being polite…
Nagura: It’s amazing that they’re properly greeting each other.
Arita: But in comedy too, it’s like what Nagura says, he’s polite and stuff, and Nagura’s teaching is great too—
Nagura: HEY YOU!
Nagura: You’re three years younger than me!
Arita: Be quite! Be quiet! Be quite!
Nagura: Hold it, you!
Arita: Nagura’s manners!
Arita: Nagura’s really good at teaching…
Nagura: You’re not addressing me properly, and you’re using casual speech!
Arita: I’m saying you’re the dude who’s awesome at it!
Nagura: I’m not a “dude!”
Nagura: I am three years older than you!
Ueda: “I’m three years older than you!”
Ueda: Well anyway, the Johnny’s with the worst drinking habits are…
Ueda: This one’s hard to picture! We don’t know who!
Nagura: We’ve never drank with them.
Ueda: The Johnny’s with the worst drinking habits are who…
Ueda: Ah! Leader and Yamaguchi-kun!
Ueda: Is that so?
Mabo: Yamaguchi goes into violent older brother mode.
Nagura: Violent older brother?
Arita: Even though he’s always so calm!?
Mabo: When that guy goes on kouhai’s TV shows, like going on location, he generally gives all our kouhai a brain buster*
*Note: A pro wrestling move where you drop someone on his head.
Ueda: He gets like that?
Mabo: Dozens of people have had Yamaguchi Tatsuya’s brain buster.
Ken: A brain buster?!
Nagura: How do you do that?
Mabo: He does brain busters on the beach and even on beds.
Ueda: When he drinks, does he want to hang out with people?
Mabo: He gets fired up.
Ueda: Rather than fired up, it’s troublesome!
Mabo: That’s why we say he’s got bad drinking habits.
Ken: Is it fun to drink with him?
Mabo: He is fun to drink with.
Ueda: What about Leader?
Mabo: He’s not so much fun!
Nagura: Well that’s no good!
Mabo: It’s true.
Ueda: What does Leader do when he drinks?
Mabo: He’s annoying.
Ueda: In what way?
Mabo: First of all, he’s annoying even before we go drinking.
Ueda: Even before you go?
Mabo: So our work will end, and we’ll say, “Great job today. Shall we go out drinking?”
Mabo: But our Leader first goes home, showers, and changes clothes.
Ueda: That is annoying!
Tokui: There are people like that!
Mabo: And he suddenly shows up in a suit!
Ueda: Like evening wear?
Mabo: And that suit is… how do I put it…?
Mabo: rather than being “stylish,” it’s “experienced.”
Tokui: That kind of suit, huh?
Mabo: He’ll put a scarf with the suit because he likes that kind of style.
Mabo: When we were on Kouhaku Utagassen, we have meetings and rehearsals, right?
Mabo: When we were all lined up, only our Leader looked like an enka* star.
*Note: a pop music style resembling older forms of traditional Japanese music.
Fukuda: Even though he’s a Johnny…
Ueda: When he drinks, what happens?
Mabo: He does a lot of annoying things. Magic, for one.
Tokui: Magic?!
Nagura: He does magic?
Fukuda: Leader’s doing magic?
Mabo: Magic tricks!
Nagura: In the suit?
Arita: He’s training!
Ueda: That’s why he goes home!
Mabo: He’ll take your hand like this and say, ”What’s in your palm? Try curling your fingers,” and then a flower pops out.
Ueda: How annoying!
Mabo: When you’re drinking, I can understand doing that for girls, but for your own band mates?!
Mabo: Even though we’re trying to talk, we’re saying “What? What?” and he’s like, “Look! Look! Close your hand!”
Mabo: “Ah, a flower! Whatever!”
Harada: But Leader’s so cute, after all!
All: True true!
Nagura(?): He is beloved!
Ueda: You gotta love him!
Ueda: Let’s go on to this one. The most perfect Johnny!
All: Perfect, huh?
Ueda: Let’s try to guess that one too.
Nagaru: This one has to be Higashi-san, right?
Ueda: Ah, that’s true. We imagine that Higashi-san is perfect, don’t we?
Ueda: What do you think, Fukuda?
Fukuda: Maybe Sakurai Sho-kun?
Mabo: That’s for sure.
Ueda: Ah, Sho-kun.
Fukuda: He’s got a perfect image.
Ueda: Ken-chan, what about you?
Ken: Someone who dances well and has a slim body… the ballerina…
Ueda: That’s no good!
Ueda: Once you said “ballerina,” we didn’t want to hear anymore.
Mabo: But he’s onto something. Dancing, singing, acting- this person is the best, in my opinion.
Ueda: Oh I see.
Ueda: So that’s a hint?
Harada: Someone who’s perfect in dancing, singing, and acting?
Harada: It’s… Peter-san.*
*Note: An actor and singer from Osaka.
Ueda: That can’t be. Think “Johnny’s!”
Mabo: That’s true! He’s very good!
Ueda: Oh well, I give up. The most perfect Johnny is…
Ken: Ah, Sakamoto-kun!
Ueda: Is that so?
Mabo: There’s no doubt in my mind.
Ueda: His acting, singing, and dancing?
Mabo: When I go see his stage plays, I think, “Wow…”
Mabo: When I’m watching Sakamoto-kun’s plays, those are the times I most often think, “I have to try harder.”
Mabo: Of course there are others as well, but for me, Sakamoto-sempai is number one.
Harada: A while ago, I was in the make-up room and I asked around, “Who is the—how do I put it?—the best person? The most perfect person?”
Harada: Sakamoto-kun was number one that time too.
Mabo: Is that so?
Ueda: Really?
Arita: You asked everyone that?
Harada: At that time I did.
Arita: You asked the make-up artists about men?
Harada: I did.
Arita: Ehhh?!
Harada: Don’t misunderstand me, I was asking out of curiosity.
Arita: Normally you’d ask the make-up artists “Who is the prettiest (woman)?”
Ueda: Ah, that’s true.
Arita: But you asked “Who is the most perfect Johnny?”
Arita: “Sakamoto-kun, huh?<3”
Arita: And then the towel started to rise up.
Ueda: Why is he wearing a towel in the make-up room?!
Ueda: We’ve learned a lot about the Johnny’s, and finally we get to the last one.
Ueda: The biggest blabbermouth Johnny!
Nagura: This poor person!
Mabo: Well, he’s pretty indiscreet!
[Even more narration]
Ueda: Should we have a look?
All: Do it!
Ueda: The biggest blabbermouth Johnny is…
Ueda(?): This is unexpected!
Ueda: You gotta be kidding!
Mabo: Think about it-- He’s the sempai who knows everything about us.
Ueda: So he blabs everything?
Mabo: No no, of course he doesn’t say it.
Mabo: It’s just that when we’re all eating together and talking about things, when the talk turns to something where I said, “Please don’t say anything,” he says, “Well as for that, Matsuoka also—ahh…” and purposely puts it out there.
Ueda: Sort of teasing you a bit.
Mabo: Yes.
Ueda: That doesn’t seem like Higashiyama-san’s image.
Nagura: Right.
Ueda: Which means that the biggest blabbermouth is actually Matsuoka-kun.
Mabo: That’s right!
Ueda: Are there no other people in Johnny’s that will talk with you?
Mabo: No no, Higashiyama-sempai will talk to me.
Mabo: I think he listens to me about a lot.
Tokui: But he’s not like Matsuoka-kun who would say, “This guy here, ya know! He’s like this!

Date: 2011-04-25 04:05 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
I love how he says that Sakamoto is the "most perfect" JE guy.

Date: 2011-04-25 04:32 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
He's obviously never seen the man 1. run from bugs 2. cry from the top of a diving board or 3. scream while paragliding.
Oh Sakamoto.♥ Never change! XD

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From: [identity profile] - Date: 2011-04-25 09:26 am (UTC) - Expand

Date: 2011-04-25 07:00 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
This was amazing. Gosh, Mabo really does know everybody in the jimusho...

Thanks so much for the translation!

Date: 2011-04-27 07:43 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
I have this great mental image of him in his YasuKen gangster gear yelling at kouhai to do things. XD

Thanks for reading!

Date: 2011-04-25 07:06 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Thanks for the translation! X3

Date: 2011-04-27 07:44 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
You're welcome! Thanks for reading! ^_^

Date: 2011-04-25 12:11 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
thanks so much for sharing this ! ♥ :D

Date: 2011-04-27 07:45 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
You're welcome! And thanks for your message! :D

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Date: 2011-04-25 06:41 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
i loved that he talked about johnnys *-*
tks for the translation

Date: 2011-04-27 07:45 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Super secret Johnny's stories are the best! XD
Thanks for reading, and thanks for your message!

Date: 2011-04-25 10:51 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
This was hilarious. Thank you! ♥

Date: 2011-04-27 07:54 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
I get the feeling Ohno never has to pay for his booze. Mabo pays for him here, and didn't he run out on Aiba when they went out drinking? I would expect this of Nino, but our dear Captain?? *gasp*

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From: [identity profile] - Date: 2011-04-27 08:03 pm (UTC) - Expand

Date: 2011-04-26 02:40 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Good stuff! Thanks for sharing!

Date: 2011-04-27 07:46 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
You're very welcome! Thanks for reading! ^_^

Date: 2011-04-26 11:58 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Thanks for the translation!
MABO is sooo cool! :Q____

Date: 2011-04-27 07:48 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
You're welcome! Mabo is pretty awesome. I wish I could adopt him as an older brother. XD

Date: 2011-04-30 07:58 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
hey! do you know where I can find this ep ?
I can't find it anywhere ....

thanks for the translation !! <3

Date: 2011-04-30 08:13 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Unfortunately, I haven't seen any raw files available. I found it streaming over at Tudou and then ripped my own .flv file to do the translation. I put links to both in the top paragraph of this post (fyi, in case they were hard to see with my journal layout. ^^;) Fingers crossed some sort of normal file ever becomes available!

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Date: 2011-05-01 06:20 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Thank u for the translation!

Date: 2011-05-02 12:57 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
You're welcome! Glad you enjoyed it! :)

Date: 2011-05-04 10:16 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Thank you for the long translation! It really helps ^^

Date: 2011-05-05 02:04 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
You're quite welcome! Glad you enjoyed it! :D

Date: 2011-05-06 12:14 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
thanks for sharing your translation, and pointing out where the video is :p Matsuoka is quite weird for me, doesn't fit as an idol lol.. but he is from TOKIO :p

very entertaining!

Date: 2011-05-06 12:38 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Yeah Mabo doesn't really fit the shiny idol image, does he? ^_^ But I guess most of TOKIO don't actually. XD I'm really thankful for that because it's fun to have variety!

Thanks for reading!!

Date: 2011-05-11 01:15 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Thank you for the translation! I was redirected here from tokio-suki's subs for this video!

Date: 2011-05-11 09:12 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Thank YOU for stopping by to comment! Hope you enjoyed Mabo's wild stories! XD

Date: 2011-05-15 01:02 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
kya :D I was looking for a pretty raw of this show and here I come across the translation when I wasn't even expecting them! Thank you SO much! This was one of the most entertaining shows I've seen lately, his stories were a delight ♥ poor Leader, he gets such harsh comments, but full of love~

Date: 2011-05-18 01:33 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
It's so hard to find raws for TOKIO stuff. It makes me a sad panda. ;__; Glad you liked the show, though! Thanks for your comment, too! ^_^

Date: 2011-09-20 11:25 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Hiii! :3 Um, I don't want to sound like a complete and total creeper, but I was looking through the list of LJ users who go to Chukyo University, because that is where I attend now, and I found your journal and realised you were a JE fan as well, and it made me all !!!! so um... yeah I don't know what else to say but it's nice to meet you! ;__; do you mind if we become LJ friends? xD omg I hope that doesn't seem weird coming out of nowhere...

Date: 2011-09-20 01:34 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Not creepy at all! Glad to hear you're at Chukyo. :) I assume you've found the Johnny's shop in Nagoya. There used to be an unofficial goods shop called "M Stage" but it either moved or closed down completely. Feel free to ask me about anything around town or with the school! Though I'm sure a lot has changed since last I was in Nagoya. ^_^

Oh, and take care in the typhoon! I hope you weren't under the evacuation order since you're in Tempaku. (Or are you living in the dorm down by the port? I just assumed you're in the Shiogamaguchi apartments.)

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From: [identity profile] - Date: 2011-09-20 02:24 pm (UTC) - Expand

really Thanks !!

Date: 2012-02-23 04:42 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Hi i'm a French Tokio Fan so for me founding tv show and other stuff subbed make me really happy becaus e i can understand what they said !!.So thank you for sharing it's awesome ^^.
with your permission i will translate it in French too for my french Tokio Blog and of course all credits for the english trad goes for you.

Re: really Thanks !!

Date: 2012-02-24 02:55 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Thank you for your comment! I don't mind as long as you say that yours is a translation of another translation. Sometimes things get "lost in translation" when we change from each language. ^_^v

Date: 2012-03-26 08:17 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Ueda: So you must be good at arm wrestling?
Mabo: I’m not at all.

He lied purposely? XD
He actually strong, right?

I'd like to use your translation for subbing.
Would you mind? Of course I will credit you.
Edited Date: 2012-03-26 08:23 am (UTC)

Date: 2012-03-26 01:37 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Are you making a sub in another language? Because an English sub has already been done, but I don't know about other languages. My only rule with translating from my translation is that it's noted somewhere that yours was translated from English. I ask for this because each time you translate from one language to another, little things get "lost in translation" and it can change the meaning. Like when you play the game "telephone." ^_^

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From: [identity profile] - Date: 2012-04-12 05:26 am (UTC) - Expand

Date: 2013-03-08 05:20 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
thankyou for the translation~~!
is it ok if i request translation for Nagase's appearance in shabekuri 007? PLEASE 8D

Date: 2013-05-27 03:16 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]


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